Professional footballers have a god-like status with young fans of the sport. The disgusting amounts of money and their off-field antics are unheard of to those innocent, fresh-faced supporters and it is their performances on the pitch that wins their hearts.
So, now is your chance – no matter how old you currently are, in age or mental capacity, to become a Premier League forward. We at Football Friends have been kind enough to put together three steps to becoming Chelsea forward Fernando Torres.*
1) Blame your hair
First thing is first, grow your hair. Delete your barber’s number from your mobile, buy a trolley full of conditioner and let it flourish. Grow your hair until your partner/pet threatens to leave you because ‘you look like an idiot’. That’s your queue to cut it all off.
Yep, that’s right. All of it. Now, everything you do can be blamed on the fact that you have no hair. It seemed to work for Torres after he snipped his locks.
“What do you mean you can’t do your job as efficiently because you’re bald?!”
2) “How wide, do you want the goal?”
Right, you’ve nabbed the number 9 shirt ahead of your fellow Sunday league players and are spearheading the attack. Now, when you receive the ball, do not look up. Whatever you do, DO NOT look up.
As you bear down on goal as knock it round the keeper, remind yourself that you are Fernando Torres. Ensure you get as close to the goal as you can. Keep going. Even closer. Now, as you stand inches away from the goal line, hoof the ball out of touch. As hard as you can. It doesn’t matter that you’re teammates want your crown jewels on a plate… You’re Fernando Torres.
3) “Que?”
So you have the look, you have the skills, now all you need is the attitude. From now on, everything you do that fails miserably don’t worry. It is not your fault. Tried a four-yard pass that went horribly wrong? Blame a colleague’s positioning. Your shot from 10-yards went haplessly into the crowd? Tell the ref you had your shirt pulled. Lost your footing and embarrassed yourself by falling flat on your face in front of everyone? Just stare at the ground as if repulsed that the blade of grass tripped you.
After all, You are now Fernando Torres.
*Following these steps may not actually turn you into Fernando Torres.
Ask any matchday Chelsea fan who the CPO are, and they’ll tell you that it stands for the Chelsea Pitch…
Chelsea and Arsenal are reportedly planning to make a signing move for the Juventus Center forward in winter.
Cole Palmer is taking the headlines for the performances he has been putting in since moving to Chelsea in the…
Chelsea have received an alarming news on their signing Kendry Paez who is likely to join the club next year.
According to a Brazilian news outlet UOL, Chelsea are trying to sign the young Brazilian JP Chermont from Santos.
Chelsea boss Enzo Maresca has cleared the club's stand on the left-back Ben Chilwell who stands on the brink of…